The "A" Word

First, hello! It's been a while, hasn't it? Life with two kids gets in the way pretty frequently, and I'm just not able to do the things I once loved to do as much any more. #LifeOfAParent AM.I.RIGHT?!

Some things have been popping up, almost daily, and I've really been thinking about blogging about them, so, I guess that's why I'm back. If you're new here, I like to use this blog to talk: to express my personal feelings about things, to get some things off my chest, and to go more in depth about things going on in my life than I care to share in a status on Facebook.

This all brings me to my first topic. I've been thinking about blogging about this subject for, quite a while now, and after my morning, I've decided no better time than now.

The "A" Word.

Asthma.

It seems so.... simple? But it's the furthest thing from the truth.

When you think of a person with asthma (or at least I use to), you think of someone overweight who can't run without needing their inhaler. Boy how wrong I was.

When Little Dean was just about 2, we had recently moved to Catonsville (our in-between home from West Virginia to Carroll County). Little Dean had come down with a cold, and just couldn't shake this cough. I distinctly remember being over my best friend's house and Little Dean had fallen asleep on me. My best friend looked at me very worried and said his breathing wasn't normal and I should call her pediatrician (who we had planned to switch to anyway). So I made the phone call, and got an appointment.

When we got to the pediatricians, things were about the same as they had been all day. Our new doctor asked us about Little Dean's medical history, about allergies he had, any eczema (which I always thought was a funny question... 'what does a skin rash have to do with my son's breathing?!' but I'd soon find out) etc. Then, he took a listen, and said "Dean here has asthma! It tends to be the third thing that follows food allergies, and eczema. The triple threat. I'm going to have my nurse come in and give him a breathing treatment, then we'll get you all set up with a nebulizer to use at home, some steroids and you'll be set!"

Simple right?

No. Not at all.

I was freaking out. I knew nothing about asthma. Our pediatrician (Bless his heart, we ADORE him) kindly told me we'd be on a new journey now, and he'd be right there beside us the whole way. He has this way of speaking that you just....trust. Completely, fully, without a doubt.

The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology describes it as "Asthma is a chronic disease involving the airways in the lungs. These airways, or bronchial tubes, allow air to come in and out of the lungs."

Little Dean's asthma flares up when he's exposed to a simple cold, his allergies (seasonal, animal dander, etc) or he's running around too much. He takes daily allergy medication to help with current seasonal allergies (pollen + summertime playing outdoors = KILLER), but still, it isn't always enough.

Just last night, only a few short hours after going to bed, Dean was up coughing. Just constantly coughing. The problem with asthma, especially at this age, is that you never know if it's an asthmatic flare up, or if it's just a common cough. But, now after working with his pediatrician for two years, I've become more of a "pro" with my kid and his asthma. Last night, I gave him an extra homeopathic dose of allergy medicine, and cranked his humidifier (which has to run every.single.night. in his room to keep his asthma at bay) up to the highest setting.

Dean and his buddy "Sami the Seal" AKA his nebulizer

This morning, the cough continued. I could tell by the way he spoke, by the way he breathed and hearing his cough closely, that this wasn't a common cough. This was an asthmatic flare up. So now, we use the nebulizer, every 4 hours. We take a steroid if it's bad enough, and we try to keep up with it. Asthma always creeps up and gets worse at night. No matter what. Sometimes, the nebulizer and steroid aren't enough. That's when we end up in the hospital. Hospital visits are never fun because they always result in high dosage breathing treatments, which means monitoring his pulse and his oxygen level, and shots (and really, who likes shots?).

After the most recent hospital trip, we had a follow up with our pediatrician. It was decided that our current means of maintaining Dean's asthma were good. But, if for some reason we can't keep it under control, we'd begin to look into and start taking a daily asthma control medicine. Something we definitely don't want to have to get to, or use.

Using Sami after an afternoon of playing outside

I have a few reasons for talking about this:

1) Please do not be offended or think we are high maintenance when we avoid you or your family if someone has a cold. I personally, have no problem with myself or my kids getting a cold. I truly believe that having more of the common sickness during childhood leads to healthier adult lives. I say this, but dealing with asthma, I have to worry about it now. A common cold for any other child can be managed with over the counter drugs and probably resolved within a few days. A cold for my asthmatic son, can result in attacks for weeks, and possibly even a hospital visit.

2) Please do not think we are overbearing or helicopter parents if we do not allow our son to touch or be around your pets. Pet dander is an allergen for Dean. As is seasonal pollen, which typically limits our outside time. Being around his allergens can be even worse for an asthma sufferer than the typical person that has an allergic reaction. I, myself, am allergic to certain cat dander. Being exposed to my allergens for any period of time makes my eyes itch, and even swell shut. I begin to have a difficult time breathing, and it's just a bad time all around. So add all of that PLUS asthma attacks.

3) PLEASE do not tell me to use things like this:
 

In fact, I strongly encourage everyone to sign petitions (like this one) to have things like these removed from store shelves, as they've been known to kill. Please also don't tell me to use oils, or other "natural" remedies. Oils cannot fix a broken bone, and they can't cure a chronic disease. I'll stick with my Albuterol and Prednisone ;)


And finally, if you have any questions about asthma, ask! This isn't a disease that can be spread, it's nothing to be afraid of. We just need to keep ourselves informed, and stay on top of it all. It's something that we try to manage and take care of. Something we have to be hyper-vigilant of. This is an exhausting and emotionally draining disease, but its nothing we can't manage.

Why I'm taking (at least) a 30 day break from social media

HELLO ALL!

Boy, it sure has been a while since I've written. Life gets busy when you move, and have a toddler and are pregnant. And even busier when you have TWO! But I will tell you this, I would much rather be busy with my two and never blog than be bored with my one and blog all the time (I think we can ALL agree on that one!)

They say that something funny happens when you have kids. Suddenly, people that were once a major part of your life are no longer around, and you feel incredibly lonely. And it's true. The friends I had before I had Little Dean are pretty much nonexistent these days. Maybe it's because I can't go out and party night after night. Maybe it's because I'd rather talk about what my kid did than talk about drama, and maybe it's because I've "changed" because I'm a Mom now. Whatever it is, well, whatever. It's happened, and there's not really anything I can do to change that, because I'm certainly not getting rid of my kids (although, I won't lie, some days I wish I could!).

But you know what I CAN change? I can change who gets to watch my kids grow up and who gets to hear about my kids through social media.

We live in a day and age where people would rather sit behind their computer and read about their friend/family/acquaintance than pick up the phone and call them. We live in a day and age, where we don't want to hang out with people because we can quickly catch up through facebook and instagram and twitter. We live in a day and age where even when we DO hang out with people, phones are still in hand checking out what's going on "out there" rather than what's happening right in front of them.

Am I the pot calling the kettle black? For sure. FOR SURE I'm on my phone more than I'd like to admit. FOR SURE I use facebook to keep up with friends more than I should. But, I'm admitting it. I have begun to make a more conscious effort to put my phone down when anyone is around, including my kids. I want to teach my children that yes, social media can be a great and wonderful thing. I can keep up with my beautiful family in North Carolina and South Carolina, and friends from West Virginia. Prior to facebook, we couldn't keep in touch as much or really know what the other one was doing day in and day out. Now they are just a click away rather than an 8 hour drive. I love it. But you know what is more important and wonderful? Face to face interaction.

Isn't it so amazing to just sit and talk to people around you? To look in their eyes, and see into their soul? To see their emotion, rather than read it?

This leads me to say that I am about to soon embark on a journey of 30 days (or more) free of social media. ((Enter 'HASHTAG First World Problems' Here)) I want desperately to stop being so worried about what's going on on facebook, how many people "like" my status or picture, who's doing what and when, and worry more about my kids. And what they're seeing and learning. I want desperately for people in my life to think about me and pick up the phone and call me rather than search my name on facebook. I'm tired of people being able to watch my kids grow up through the internet rather than see it in person. I'm tired of reaching out to people in "real life" and instead only be responded to on facebook. There is a real reason my children won't be allowed to have a cell phone until they're 16 and even then will have rules that go with it. That reason is this: Look out your window at the beautiful world around you, because one day, you're going to miss it. Stop looking at the white and blue world on your phone, and enjoy the people next to you, not on the other side of the internet.

It's all in the Perspective

It's been like two weeks since I've blogged last. Mainly because I didn't know what I wanted to write about, partially because I've been so exhausted and didn't want to even lift a finger. 

And then, I saw a specific meme and quote running around Facebook and it really kind of angered me. Enough so that I wanted to write about it. 

Today, is Valentine's Day. 

The day of love and romance. 

When you're a kid, it's one of the best days EVER getting cards and candy from everyone in your class. 

Then, you move onto middle school and the cards stop, and couples begin. And it starts every girl's (because, seriously, guys could care less about Valentine's day) dream of having a perfect Valentine's day with the perfect guy and the perfect date, and so much romance your butt falls off. 

Up until 2007, I never had a "Valentine". Ever. 

And of course, it was upsetting, because that's the "most important thing ever" when you're at that age. Even when you get older. It's upsetting to have an entire day dedicated to love and romance when there isn't a specific person in your life you share love and romance with. 

So when I saw this meme on Facebook, shared by multiple people, it REALLY made me mad. 

This type of talk comes up frequently in today's society.

"You think YOU have it bad..."

Why? WHY in the world are we trying to take people's pain and make them feel as though it's stupid to feel that way? Why are we taking that away from people? 

What is this even saying anyway?! 

Some people don't have a mother on Mother's Day or a father on Father's Day....

As in people that have lost their parent suddenly compare their loss to love and romance on Valentine's Day. I'm don't know about you, but in the hundreds of years from now when I lose my parents (and I say hundreds of years because I never want to think about that) I WILL still celebrate that day. Not for me or my husband. But for my parents. Who brought me into the world and raised me. Just because they're gone doesn't mean I can't celebrate them. 

Saying something like this is like saying to a man who has just been kicked in the testicles "oh you think THAT hurts, well try giving birth!!"

It's COMPLETELY unrelated!!

Suddenly, because a man has never given birth, means that it shouldn't hurt when he's kicked in the most sensitive place on his body. NO! 

It's all in the perspective! 

In my raging pregnancy hormones, and after some mortifying moments with my toddler, I BROKE DOWN crying alone in my living room. It's SO hard having a toddler, that you're trying to teach to listen to you, and is constantly pushing his limits, and has started hitting and punching other children. This is the HARDEST thing in my life. 

But you know what?

I'm going to laugh at myself when I have TWO. Because suddenly that will seem like a breeze compared to constantly juggling two kids. 

But right now, in this perspective of my life, it's the hardest. And no one can change that. 

Maybe the most depressing thing some people are going through in their lives is not having a valentine on Valentine's day. And who are YOU to tell them they can't be sad about it?

So go on girl! (Or guy) 

Be sad! I'm sad for you too. 

My Valentine for the past 7 years has worked 6 out of the 7 Valentine's Days we've had together (and I'm sure with where he works, the trend will stay the same). I've learned that even though it may not happen ON Valentine's Day, there's still a special day we can (and usually do) celebrate our love for each other. 

((((AND PUH-LEAASSEEEE DO NOT get me started on the whole 'Valentine's Day is stupid, we love each other all year round!' Crap!! My husband and I love and show love all year round. Does that mean that it's not nice to have an extra day to celebrate it every year?! No. It's a fun day. Stop being so freaking bitter about it! Shut up and let people be mushy and happy and more in love for one day a year. Who's it hurting REALLY?!))))

So remember. The next time you want to compare apples to oranges or "one up" someone as it's commonly called, remember that it's all in the perspective of that person's life. What may seem simple and silly and stupid to you, may mean the world to them, so stop belittling someone's emotions. 

One of my Number 1 Rules in Being a Parent

I had a confusing childhood. 

I was a happy kid. I was raised with beliefs and values and morals. 

For a long time, I was spoiled. My sister and I got everything we could've ever asked for and wanted. I never went without. 

Then some things happened, and we got less. Did I ever go without eating? No. Did I always have clothes on my back? Yes. Were they the most stylish or designer or name brand? Certainly not. 

My parent's worked and worked hard for the money they made. It wasn't easy on either of them when they divorced. I specifically remember one Christmas my Mom being upset because she wanted to give my sister and I more than what she could. 

But you know what? 

I wasn't upset in the slightest. 

It was the first time since my birthday (which is in March) that we got anything that wasn't a necessity. The same went for my sister. We didn't get toys or presents or games or even clothes throughout the year. Our birthday and Christmas were it.

And I was happy. 

I learned to appreciate the things I have, not the things I wanted.

To this day, I rarely buy things for myself. My husband can attest to that. I'll go weeks, and months before I buying something I've had my eye on. 

Why? Because I don't NEED it.

I refuse to have my children raised to think that material things are what it takes to make you happy. I would rather my children be raised to be creative and happy with one toy than a room full of toys where he never has to use his brain and doesn't appreciate the little things,

Do we spoil Baby Dean?

Absolutely more than we should. 

The kid has more toys than he could play with. Of course it's fun to buy him the things he wants, but what is that teaching him? 

It teaches him if he wants something, he gets it. 

And that's not the real world. 

We're a family living off of one income. It's impossible to think that he will always be able to get whatever he wants. Is almost 2 years-old too young to start these lessons? Is it too young to teach him that the stove is hot or he can't play in the toilet?

Especially with another baby on the way, he needs to understand that the world doesn't revolve around him. That he can't have everything in the world.

And to be honest, it may be harder on his parents and family than it is on him.

What can I say? I'm Obsessed.

Today I had my first OB appointment here in MD.

Can I just say that transferring gynecology practices half way through pregnancy because of a move is probably the MOST stressful thing a woman can go through?

For people that know me, and "understand" me (which is very possible it's only my husband, and thats ok) know that pregnancy, labor and delivery is very important to me. 

As a stay-at-home Mom, my priorities are taking care of my child, my house, my husband and basically EVERYTHING in the world (or so it seems). Seldom, I have down time. VERY SELDOM. But when I do, the majority of my time I spend reading and researching and learning. 

About what you might ask?

About birth. 

I'm weird! I know! But it's something in my life that I've honestly become passionate about and hope to continue to pursue professionally. 

Being passionate and well educated also means that I know what I want and what I don't want when it comes to my birth and labor. 

I'm preparing in ways I didn't the first time around. I plan to do things this go around that I didn't with Baby Dean. I'm looking to God and nature, and I didn't when I was pregnant with Baby Dean.

One of the ways to achieve the birth I want is by having a medical provider that understands my wants and is willing and even encouraging of those desires. Plain and simple, facts show that using a midwife when you desire a more natural birth, will help you get what you want. 

Ever heard of The Business of Being Born? You can watch it on Netflix for free. I encourage everyone to whether they've had children or not. It's important to get the word out on how birth has changed over the years. 

Anyway, when I lived in WV I had a group of midwives that, while I didn't have the best experience with one while laboring with Baby Dean, I did have a vaginal delivery. And I didn't have major tearing (I had to get half a stitch just to be sure I didn't get an infection, less than 1 degree tearing). And both my child and I were healthy.

So when we moved to MD, I knew I had to start with where I wanted to deliver. Once I had decided that, it was just a matter of finding a midwife group that had rights at Mercy, and I would be happy. Sounds simple enough.

Well. It's not.

I called places, I cried. I called more places, I cried harder. 

I finally had to suck it up and just pick a place. 

It took a lot for me to do this. To pick a place that I wasn't sure I would get what I wanted. Obviously, the most important thing is that both my child and I are healthy at the end of the day, but anywhere you go can't really guarantee that. Part of the reason people fear birth so much is because up until the baby is in your arms and you're going home, there is so much unknown that could or couldn't happen. Because of that very reason, birthing in America and all over the world has changed dramatically. (Again, see Business of Being Born)

So I went. And the first impression of the place wasn't the greatest. The practice's office is actually in the hospital. So there's parking garages, and getting lost walking trying to find it. I had to ring a doorbell to get into the office. There is one single bathroom for ladies only that is small, and not the cleanest, and doesn't have a changing table. I had to wait 30 minutes past my appointment time just to get into the room (mind you, when I got there, I was the only one there and everyone was on lunch until 1:40. My appointment was at 1:30.) I had to wait in the room for the OB to come in for another 30 minutes. The room was tiny (and SUPER ugly!). But everyone was nice. The nurse was even telling me that her nephew was Dean and so was her brother and her Dad. We laughed at how it was so random and neither of us had met another family with the family name being Dean. When the OB did come in, she was really really nice.

She took her time, and talked to me. She explained to me that there were 5 OBs and 5 midwives in the practice. That almost all of them had had natural births themselves, so they would be more than willing to support me in that. There is always an OB and a midwife on call. When a patient goes into labor,  She said that as long as everything was in the normal/average range, the midwife takes care of the labor and delivery. If something happens where the patient or baby are in risk, the OB takes over. The hospital requires intermittent monitoring (which I'm fine with) but otherwise I can be up and walking around or in the tub.

She made me feel confident in her and the rest of the physicians in the practice, and that's a big deal for me. I need to have the support of everyone in the birthing room. I need their encouragement. I don't need people that laugh at me, or tell me to just give in to meds. I need people that will tell me I CAN do it, not that I shouldn't.

I need to add, that I say all of this fully knowing that plans are just that. Plans. Plans change. You have to be willing to change and go with the flow and do what's necessary to achieve the end goal. All of this is important to me, but not as important as my child's health and mine. I will do whatever it takes to  achieve the end goal, but I won't be talked into things or told things I know simply aren't true. I will follow my gut and listen to it more this time around. I'm confident in the hospital I've chosen, and while it's going to take more than one office visit to make me completely confident in the practice I've chosen, I think we're on our way to getting there. 

How Did We Get Here?

I've been struggling with what to write for this week's blog post for the past week. 

First I thought I'd give a run down on how I'm feeling at 20 weeks pregnant, but then I realized, I feel different everyday. How in the heck could I summarize how I'm feeling for an entire week in one blog post?!

Then, I read this story. And it made me sick. And it made me think. And the comments on it, made me think.

You see, I KNOW what I would have done to that woman. I'd do to her exactly what she did to that innocent child. 

I can't say or even pretend that I've been the best and most perfect parent or that I will be from this point on. Yes, there were (and still are!) times that I had to just put Baby Dean in his crib or pac-n-play and walk away to catch my breath or clear my mind. Did I leave him there all day and night? No. At a max, it was 5 minutes. And these instances happened when I knew there was nothing I could do to settle his tears (not hungry, cold, hot, didn't need a diaper change, didn't want to be cuddled, etc). Do I believe in spanking? Yes. Beating a child with a broom? No. Disciplining a child over a bathroom accident? Absolutely not.

The comments I read were something I had heard before. Not in those exact words, but similar to. One comment read, 

"When we as a society began to validate killing the child rather than giving it up for adoption as a demanded "choice" for women to make, we set up a spiral effect of dehumanizing children. When we as a society began to view children as a burden rather than a gift, and pawn the daily raising of those children off to hired strangers, we set up a spiral effect of not knowing the normal behaviors of children and how to properly deal with them. When we as a society began empowering women by emasculating and negating the necessity of men/fathers we set up a spiral effect of men abandoning women to single parenthood.

It's a tragedy all around, and it goes back generations to choices made with horrific unintended side effects."

Beautifully true isn't it?

Then, there was a comment that read, 

"...until this country stops making welfare and cash assistance a CAREER option, these people are just going to keep popping out kids they don't want just for the money. I work in an OB/GYN clinic in a very poverty stricken area of Michigan. 50% of my patients come in with repeat pregnancies, don't take care of the kids they have, smack them, scream at them, abuse them, just because they get free food, cash and healthcare from our government. And the sad part is that most of these "women" make more in welfare and cash assistance that I make and I work full-time and go to school full-time along with being a single mom of a 6 year old. They come up with every excuse in the book as to why they cant work. Until this country stops giving hand outs to people who just don't want to work and pop out kids they don't want so they get more money every month, this will never end..."

We've all seen these people before too. This isn't new information for you.

Not every person that gets government assistance falls into this category, so please don't mistake me for 'THAT' type of person.

So why? Why do we continue to fall into debt as a country to support these type of people? And that woman that killed her child, we now get to pay for her to live even more! There are good and honest people that go hungry and divide up their food for a week to make sure they have SOMETHING to eat daily. People that work, and work HARD for a living, and barely get by and yet, if they were to ask the government for help, they wouldn't qualify. 

It sickens me that I raise my son and soon to be daughter in a country that will help the lazy before it helps those that work for a living. A country that cares more about forcing people to buy health insurance than it does about the schools losing money or people living out of trailers for months and years after natural disasters. A country that will put murderers, rapists and pedophiles in jail for their crimes, yet feed them three times a day, give them cable to watch, hot water to shower in, clean clothes to wear and activities to participate in. 

A country that cares more about how a man put to death for kidnapping, raping and murdering an 8 month pregnant married woman suffered because a new drug was tried on him, then the reason he's being put to death in the first place. A country that orders a hospital to take a pregnant woman off of life support before her child would be viable outside the womb, so not only one person dies in a terrible tragedy, but two. A country that forces businesses to pay for contraceptives for their employees when their beliefs would prevent them from doing so. A country that has mass shootings constantly, and now, mass shootings that take place so close to home, it gives me anxiety. 

Where are our priorities?

How have we come this far and beyond in 50 short years? Heck, even 30 years? 

How have we gotten here, and how do we get back to the way it use to be?

You Know You're a Mom when...

So I didn't write on Friday. But I'm making it up today.

Friday got busy with a terrible grocery shopping trip, naps, friends visiting, a husband home from work, and hanging things on walls. 

So this morning, before Dean went to bed for work tonight, I was doing some hard core cleaning and some things started popping in my head. Things that I would've never thought of until I had kids. 

So here is my list of 

You Know You're a Mom (or Dad) When...

you're searching for a new home, and the first thing you think about is where all the toys are going to go (the second is how many baby gates you will need to keep your mind at ease)

you're preparing to go out to family dinner and you make sure to pack enough toys to keep all parties happy until the end of the meal

you're scrubbing the bathroom and you sanitize bath toys first

you light candles, you place them on surfaces that little fingers can't reach and continually say "HOT! HOT!" out of habit

you get more excited about baby things than things for yourself

you think more about how you want to decorate the nursery and when you can start than anything else

you randomly hear children crying when you're in the shower (and it's never your kids)

you forget things for yourself when you venture out of the house for the day because you were so concentrated on everything your child may need or want while you're out

more things are mounted/attached to the wall than you thought possible

you suddenly start planning your weekly meals based on how likely it is your child will eat it

you know what children's shows are on and when and what channel

you look forward to the same two times of day everyday: nap time & bed time

you know how to get just about any stain out of any material and any mark off of any wall

you see safety hazards before beauty

you don't remember the last time you went to the bathroom alone or someone didn't wave "bye bye" to your pee

you hide candy and cookies where little eyes can't see them and beg for them all. day. long.

I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting. But that was something fun for today. 

Happy Sunday all!

What are some thoughts or things that made you realize YOU are a Mom?

We're Having A ...... ??!!!!!!!!!

So before I get into this whole big crazy announcement that everyone seems to look forward to most in pregnancies, let's back up a few days. Remember how I said in my last post that we were moving? Well that happened. And then if you're friends with me on facebook, I asked for prayers so the move day went smoothly with no injuries. Here I was thinking in my head that we needed prayers for the men doing the heavy lifting so no muscles would get pulled or backs thrown out. I was NOT expecting I'd need prayers for myself and my unborn child.

Everything was packed, we were loading ourselves in the cars and about to make the trip to MD. I had one last thing to grab out of the house and since Baby Dean was packed in the car and quickly falling asleep, I went in to grab our 'kee kee' (our cat Bella). As I head out to pack up and follow the truck to MD, I took one step on our sidewalk (which was nothing but ice, and I had been very careful on the whole day leading up to that point) and both feet flew out from under me. I landed flat on my back and tailbone. I had never felt pain like that before. For anyone that has been through childbirth, imagine the biggest, strongest contraction but it lasting for a solid 10 minutes with no break and all in your back/tailbone. I was thriving in pain, and quite frankly scared everyone who saw it (luckily Baby Dean slept through the whole ordeal). Once I gathered myself together, my husband helped me into the car and my MIL drove me and Baby Dean to our apartment. 

The whole car ride I was in some pretty bad pain but only in my tailbone. I did have cramping but none that hurt. I could feel it, but it wasn't painful. The day went on, I sat and watched as the men unloaded the truck and brought everything in. Once all was said and done my cramping had gotten more frequent and more painful, and I knew I wanted to ease my mind so I decided it was time to go get checked out. 

With flu and cold season in full swing, and a child that cannot get a flu shot, I knew the last thing I wanted was Baby Dean in a place where LOTS of sick people go. Dean was willing (and exhausted) so he stayed home while my very good friend took me to be checked out. After a run around at one place, we found ourselves at the hospital. Apparently telling the front door nurse that you are 17 weeks and having bad cramping will get you an express pass to L&D (cramping at this point had gotten much more frequent and painful). 

Upstairs, the nurse had me undress, give a urine sample, and answer some questions. First thing she did was try to find the baby's heartbeat using the fetal monitor. Now, those things are meant for full term, big babies, so I didn't really worry when she couldn't find anything. Next she pulled out the doppler. I was fully expecting her to find and hear the baby's heartbeat right away since just a week before it was so easy to hear with full clarity at my midwife appointment, but that didn't happen. She fished around for what seemed like forever and never heard a "definite" heartbeat. She kept finding mine instead and because my mind was racing, so was my heart. A sonogram was ordered, and the waiting game continued.

Finally the sonographer came and the fun began. As soon as she put the little stick on my stomach, there was my precious baby. Heart beating just as it should in the 140 range. The sonographer took all of the baby's measurements and said the baby was exactly measuring how it should. A little 7 ounce peanut that I had been worried about all day, was there waving. When I joked about finding out the sex, the sonographer said she could tell without a doubt and asked me if I wanted to know. So. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing 

Adelaide Carolyn Larue Pennington

Our first baby girl! I'm excited, Dean's excited (and a little scared, AND a little upset he just sold his shot gun) and our family is SO excited. 

Nothing relieved me more than actually seeing my little girl moving all around, punching and kicking (even though I can't feel it half the time) and already taking after her older brother with her hands all around her face.

The kids are going to be sharing a room while we live in this apartment, and I've gotten some funny looks about it, but I think it's weird people think it's weird when the kids are this young. Like, Baby Dean has no idea the differences in girls and boys yet, and by the time he does, we will be in our forever home. 

So, here we are. Week 2 of 2014, all moved into our apartment and knowing we have a little girl on the way in June. Dean and I will be heading to WV and our first home for the last time ever today. We go to closing at 4pm, and while it's definitely been a journey getting here, and we WILL miss our first home, we are excited to forever sever the ties to living so far away. It makes me really sad thinking that that isn't home anymore, and that the house we brought home Baby Dean to isn't ours any more, but it just means we are one step closer to finding a place to spend our forever in happily. 

Happy New Year Ya'll

It's 2014. 

There are a LOT of things happening this year.

Which also means I have a LOT of 'Resolutions' or Goals as I like to call them, for the new year.

In order to keep to my resolutions, I'm going to write them here AND on my fridge so I can hold myself accountable for them and maybe everyone else can help hold me accountable for them as well.

-: NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS :-

1. Cook at least 5 nights a week

2. Work out at least once a week

3. Read my Bible more

4. Blog every Friday at minimum

5. See my family more

6. Be a better wife & mother

So let's back up for those of you who don't know.

Since September 24 (date sound familiar? that's because it's our anniversary. Irony at it's finest folks), our house here in West Virginia has been on the market. Dean has been living separately from Baby Dean and I since that day as well, because he transferred to one of the new Wal-Marts in DC. He's working an average of 14 hour shifts 5 days a week over night so when he was off we would see him for about a day and a half. This has been the hardest thing either of us has ever been through. I'm happy to say though, we signed a contract on our home on December 10 and are now just TWO days away from moving back together under the same roof! We settle on the house on January 10, and will officially have no ties to WV anymore! Dean's hours and shifts are going to be the same for a while; there's no sign of his schedule letting up any time soon, BUT tomorrow starts his week vacation so I'm happy to finally spend time with him for more than a day (even if it is moving us into our new apartment!) Baby Dean I know will be thrilled to finally see his Daddy everyday too. This hasn't just been hard on us. I give a lot of credit to the military and military wives. It's been a long three months, and I have no idea how military members and their families do this for months and years at a time. 

We're moving into an apartment in Catonsville, MD just a half hour to Westminster, 45 minutes to an hour to Union Bridge and 45 minutes to an hour to Hanover. DO YOU HEAR ME?! We are within an hour to ALL of our family!!!! That takes off an hour to both of my parents and a half hour to Dean's parents! We're beyond excited to finally be close to everyone, that we can start having friends again, and start our roots as a family in Maryland. West Virginia is great and all, but it's difficult when you have to drive 45 minutes just to see ANYONE you know. 

This is all coming in perfect timing, because, we are expecting Baby #2 on June 13, 2014!

Today, I'm 17 weeks along. We find out in the end of January if it's a girl or boy. Everyone in our lives wants it to be a girl, but I'm secretly hoping for another boy. I think it's a boy too, but to be honest, I'm not 100% on that. With Baby Dean, I knew from the get-go that it was a boy, but this one is kinda throwing me for a loop. Obviously I'll be happy either way. 

So here we are. January 3, moving from WV to MD, pregnant with baby #2, and trying to make a better me. I think the whole purpose of New Year Resolutions isn't to set a goal and try for a month and fail (because let's face it, that's how the majority of resolutions go). I think the point of resolutions is to really identify what isn't the best about each of us and at least make an attempt to make it better. How often is it that we sit down and say "I should do this more" or "I need to change this about myself" and actually follow through with it? Why not at least make a goal and make small steps to accomplish that goal? I'd rather set a goal and fail to complete it then not make a goal at all. I'd rather be honest with myself about things and come to the realization that *gasp* I'm NOT perfect, and try to make myself a better me. Wouldn't you? What better time than the new year to start striving to be better versions of ourselves?

We have a lot going on in this house. But I promise to start blogging once a week at minimum. Hold me to it, k?

Image Credit : Karen Leigh Studios

Happy New Year, 

from all FOUR of us!

12 - 3 = NINE!!!

Today marks 9 months. 9 BIG MONTHS.

HOLY MOLY!

So we went to the pediatricians this morning.

Our current measurements stand at:

14 pounds 14 ounces

 and

25.5 inches long

After discussing with the pediatrician my concern of his size we determined that some human error had occurred while measuring his height, but because he's gaining weight and almost back ON the curve she wants to monitor it a little closer and then reevaluate at his one year appointment. 

So, we're going to go get measurements done every month and at his year check up we will determine what to do from there.

Today we also decided to officially START weaning! I know my ultimate goal was to get to a year, but it has been a tough road to get this far, and we want to start trying for another baby soon, so I'm going to be just a TAD selfish and request that my body be my own for just a few months. 

I know. I'm a TERRIBLE human being.

Get over it.

On the plus side, starting the Baby Dean on formula will also help him gain weight AND maybe, just maybe, we will be sleeping through the night in a month or so.

He only wakes about once a night now, and our pediatrician told me that as this age, it's not a behavioral thing. If he's waking to eat and go back to sleep, he needs it, so keep doing it. 

And that's fine by me, I can deal with waking up once a night to make sure my little boy is ok. One day I'll miss him waking me up.

We also talked with the pediatrician about his stranger anxiety.

He has major fits when other people hold him besides Dean or I.

The pediatrician told us this is completely normal and actually a good thing.

She said around 9 months is when stranger anxiety really starts to peak. Whether he sees you every week or not, he doesn't see you daily like Dean and I, therefore he is fearful of you and he only wants us.

She said ways to help with this is when coming around him, you have to almost acknowledge but ignore him. Don't immediately try to pick him up or be touchy touchy. Wait a few minutes to allow him to warm up to you and remember you, then you can try to hold him or play with him.

She said even with this, and you're holding him, if we walk by, he could've been completely fine, but he will immediately start to scream for us. It's a reflex. You feel more comfortable in your own home on your own couch than on others. Babies usually feel more comfortable and relaxed in their parent's arms than others. 

She said we should be worried if he didn't do this because children with autism treat everyone equally, and have no preference of Mom and Dad over others.

She also said that this will continue for quite a while. At around 18 months, he will probably stand behind us when going around others. He may peak around to watch you until he's warmed up, but it's just like being shy. 

So. If Baby Dean screams when you try to hold him, be patient. Don't allow your feelings to be hurt. Don't blame me that he likes me more (I AM his mother after all!)

Our kid is healthy, and that's a good thing. 

So his accomplishments at nine months old include:

*Crawling on all 4s. (no more army crawl)

*Pulling himself to stand and sitting back down

*Getting into a sitting position from crawling and vice versa

*Walking along furniture (holding on to the furniture he can walk)

*Saying "Da Da"

*Knowing who is DaDa and who is Mama

*CLIMBING THE STAIRS

*Drinking out of a sippy cup

I feel like there is more, but I can't think of them right now.

Here's our 9 month pictures from this afternoon.

SO BIG! 

(yet little at the same time)

Today was a BIG day.

Today was a big day for our house.

If you know Dean and I at all, you know that during the course of our entire marriage (and majority of our relationship all together), Dean has worked overnights. 

This means him being gone from around noon on day one and not coming back until around around 4-5pm on day five.

It's been difficult, and long. 

To say I'm excited to go to sleep next to my husband every night is an understatement. 

I'm excited to be able to make the bed every day, and get chores done during the day instead of being up until 1 AM getting them done.

I'm excited to have my husband back on a normal schedule and not have to keep killing his body switching his sleep schedule.

I'm excited for Dean to be here to put the baby to bed every night, and for the ability to come home for lunch and for us to be able to visit him while he's at work.

I'm just SO excited. 

An update on the baby: He has TWO teeth! TWO!

We have our 9 month well child visit on his actual 9 month birthday so we'll get accurate standings on size. 

Everyone keeps telling me how small he is and how he doesn't look like a 9 month old, and I'm not going to lie, it worries me. It's not like he was a premie, we went two weeks past our due date for crying out loud. He was an average size baby at birth, and eats 3 meals a day, and nurses 3-4 times a day and at least once at night. 

Dean says I shouldn't worry because he was tiny when he was little, but I still can't help to. 

I'll let you know what the pediatrician says at his check-up.

Fingers crossed everything is ok, and fingers crossed she gives the go-ahead to start weaning and transitioning to whole milk... because we're both ready.

Let him be little

I don't think there is anything more peaceful than a baby falling asleep on your chest. 

Being able to take the time and look at the peacefulness that is that child just does something to you. 

I don't think I say it enough, but I dread the day my baby grows up. I know it's going to happen. I know one day he will see the evil that is in this world, and his innocence is going to be stripped from him, and I HATE that. I hate that one day he may fear walking down a street because he is or is not like others.

Life is so short, and we take it for granted too often. I want to be sure that I never miss a moment of his childhood, and more importantly, that he never misses a moment of his childhood. 

I remember wishing I was older so often when I was little, hating that I couldn't stay up all hours of the night, I couldn't drive, or go where I want.

I wish I could go back and smack me silly. Those were the days. I love my life now, and I don't want to change anything about it, except, letting my baby be little forever. 

Just a thought for the day.

JUST. SAY. NO.

Well, it's been two weeks since we got the puppy and things are getting better. 

Day to day, it's getting more manageable and less chaotic. 

It's seriously like having two kids, so I'm taking it as early practice.

Not much is going on in the life of us. We live our daily lives and spruce it up every once in a while by visiting friends and family, or having play dates. 

I enjoy a simple life, and I'm going to raise my children in much of the same way.

It IS ok to go to a carnival and just walk around, only playing a game or two and getting some fries. You DON'T need to ride rides all night or play every game and buy every food in sight.

Sure it's fun, but really, you WILL live without it.

It is TOTALLY ok to spend an entire week at your house coming up with new fun games to play and just enjoying the company of others.

It is MORE than acceptable to shop for clothes in consignment shops, especially when you're just going to outgrow them in a few weeks.

You DON'T need the newest, most expensive stuff, you WILL be happy with what you have.

Too often in our society, people aren't happy with what they have, and they always want MORE or to do MORE, experience MORE. I think that's part of the reason kids today are so spoiled and needy and end up going down the wrong path.

Learn to say NO people. 

JUST SAY NO.

I thought I was busy before.

Well. It's been more than forever since I blogged last. 

We've been busy.

Christmas came and went, and well, it was an exhausting blast. 

Baby Dean seriously enjoyed ripping open his presents, and I can honestly say that he plays with EVERYTHING he received. My house is a mess daily, and I love it. I know he's happy and enjoying his day to day life.

He turned 8 months old a few days ago. I still need to get pictures, so they'll be added at a later date.

Not too much has changed. He's very easily pulling himself to standing, and sitting back down. He walks with help from a "walker toy" and is really starting to understand what we're saying.

He loves giving kisses, and sometimes doesn't know when to stop. It's too adorable for words.

His laugh and smile will weaken even the biggest Scrooge's knees.

He is without a doubt my biggest pride and joy (and I know the same is for hubby).

In other news...

We added a new family member recently.

A puppy we named Bane.

Photo Credit: Karen Leigh Studios

He's a Rotty/Lab mix, and has definitely worked his way into all of our hearts very quickly.

He IS causing me gray hair, but that's what puppies do. 

Today we have a vet visit, to make sure he's well and healthy, let the bankruptcy begin!!

I promise, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a dirty needle in my eye, that I will start to blog more!

Happy New Year ya'll.

SEVEN.

Obviously this is a little late AND I didn't finish the whole November Thankful thing. 

But life gets pretty crazy pretty quickly, and everyone should know that I'm more than thankful for everything and everyone in my life. Everyone that reads this blog, I'm thankful for you too, just so you know.

Now. My boy turned SEVEN months a few days ago, so, it's time for a monthly update.

Currently, Baby Dean is proficient at:

Eating

Sitting up alone

Crawling

Rolling both ways

Shaking his head 'No' -- He's starting to understand the meaning too!

Go from crawling position to sitting position on his own

Pulling himself up to stand

He's working on:

Ma-Ma

Da-Da

His signs (I'm teaching him sign language)

Standing alone 

(GASP) Walking!

Baby Dean's current likes are:

Any food that goes in his mouth (except Avocado. That was the only one he refused to eat)

This new wooden train a friend recently gave him

Splashing in the bathtub

Getting tickles from Mommy & Daddy

Giving kisses

Crawling! He loves exploring the house!

Baby Dean's current dislikes are:

Being forced to stay in one room 

Having his face cleaned after he eats

Having his nose wiped (fighting a cold/teething)

Being a parent is the greatest thing I have ever been blessed with doing. 

It took me a while to compose myself to write about this, but I do best when I write my feelings out.

The tragedy that happened in Connecticut is one that, I hope, we as a nation will never have to endure again. But I know it will. 

Shootings in our schools and in public places are happening so frequently that it's almost "normal" to hear about. And what kind of world do we live in that it's NORMAL to hear about?!

Yesterday, 20 children lost their lives. 7 adults were also killed. I couldn't fathom being a parent that lost their child to this sick person.

Obviously talk starts about homeschooling, and gun control, but in reality, these shootings are happening anywhere and everywhere. In a shopping mall, in a church, in a movie theater. 

We can't protect our children from everything. We have to pray for peace, and love, and know that God is with us no matter where we go. 

Stricter gun laws, in my opinion will not help either. Criminals don't follow laws, hence they are called criminals. It's all over the internet: "The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun" 

I'm not going to go on a tirade about gun laws though.

I'm posting in memory of the 27 killed. 

I dread the day that Baby Dean's innocence to the world is over. When he starts to realize that not everyone out there is nice and friendly. That bad things happen. That there is racism, and bullying, and murders. Right now, we are all the same to him. And while I'll raise him to know that there are no differences in people based on race or gender or sexual preference, that we are all people, I know there are people out there that won't teach their children that. And my son will come across those people. But I know that my husband and I will build strong values into our children to know right from wrong, and trust in not only themselves, but God. We'll be okay. As a family, as a country. We'll be okay.

Sorry. Can't figure out how to turn the pictures. Perhaps in a future post ;)

Happy Saturday all.

14-19 PLUS a bonus "white girl rage"

Just so you know, I keep a log in my phone of what I'm thankful for daily, I just don't make it to the computer daily. 

So, here is your weekly update.

Day 14: Thankful for my father.

We may not have the closest relationship or always had the best relationship, but I'm thankful for the man that has always been there for me. He's never been shy to tell me he's proud of me and proud of everything I've done. I know that no matter what happens in life, I can turn to my Dad for advice and for a listening ear, and I'm thankful to have my Dad by my side.

Day 15: Thankful for my father-in-law.

My father-in-law is one person that never ceases to amaze me. He is someone that everyone could take a lesson from. No matter what happens, he is always there for his family, and will do whatever is needed to help someone out. He has helped us far beyond repayment and I'm so thankful to be able to call him my father-in-law

Day 16: Thankful for my step mom.

What to say about this woman that came into my life almost 5 years ago. My step-mom and I have this special bond, one that has not replaced my own mother and I's, but is one that cannot be replaced itself. I love this woman more than she probably knows, and am so thankful to have her. She makes my father happier than I've ever seen him, and makes my family life feel complete. She goes above and beyond for my family and I can never thank her enough for everything she has done. 

Day 17: Thankful for all of my siblings.

For those of you who don't know, I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers (1 step sister, 1 biological sister, 1 half brother, and 1 brother-in-law) and I am smack dab in the middle of all of them. While my little brother can't do much now, he always puts a smile on my face and is a great uncle already. My sister and I have had our ups and downs, but we both know that we will always be there for each other no matter what. My step-sister in a force to be reckoned with. Quick to defend (and possibly kill) anyone that hurts me or anyone in my family, she is one person that I know will always be there and support any decision I make. I couldn't be more thankful that she was the bonus package that came with my step-mom. My brother-in-law, well, I've always viewed him as my brother, ever since Dean and I got together. He's a great guy, one that I'm thankful for always. He (sometimes) keeps my husband out of trouble and is a great uncle to our son, whether he realizes it or not.

Day 18: Thankful for my birthing experience.

I read this blog daily. And after reading her struggle to come to terms with the delivery of her second child, and all the women of the world that struggle with the same thing, it makes me take a step back and be thankful for the birthing experience I had with Baby Dean. I didn't think I had such a great experience, and while it definitely could have been better, I'm thankful for what I did have. Too many woman want more than anything to experience a natural childbirth, experience what our bodies were made to do, and never get the chance to. I took it for granted, but I won't anymore, and I won't with any future children we have too. 

Day 19: Thankful for my husband's job.

I will admit, I am one that is quick to complain about my husband's job. It keeps him away from us for days at a time, I go to bed without him constantly, and it puts stress on him that's unreal. BUT. I'm thankful for it. He truly loves his job (except for the months of October-December) and it provides for my family, and allows me to be a stay-at-home Mom and raise our son. His job is stable, reliable, and one that too many people in America today would gladly take.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT.

Wal-Mart employees protesting.

This DISGUSTS me. 

Claiming they want their minimum wage raised to $13 an hour?!

They want respect.

They don't want to work Black Friday or other holidays?!

Uhm hey, how about our military personnel, fire fighters, police officers, and all the millions of others that have no choice but to work on holidays?

Do you think they could protest this?

We all want to make more, but guess what. YOU WORK AT WAL-MART.

You want to make more? Go to college, get a higher paying job. 

Tell the over 8% of Americans that don't have a job that you want to make more money. 

Because I'm PRETTY sure they'd love to switch places and make $8 an hour rather than nothing.

Wal-Mart has a great system in place that allows its employees to freely go to their managers and discuss issues they're having. Respect in the workplace is one that they can talk to someone about. That manager doesn't do anything? Go to the next higher up manager until something IS done. 

People think Wal-Mart is some big bad company but they don't know how much good they do. 

Has anyone made mention of the fact that Wal-Mart has allowed victims of Hurricane Sandy to not pay on their credit card until they can? They are working with these people to help them, but no one makes mention of it. No one makes mention of the millions of dollars the company raises and donates yearly to the Children's Miracle Network. No one makes mention of the fact that Wal-Mart continues to hire when other companies cannot. 

I'm not saying this because of my husband or because I use to work for the company, or because I know TONS of people that worked and continue to work for the company. 

I'm saying it for the soldier that won't get to see his family for thanksgiving OR christmas OR new years.

For the fire fighter that has to miss his anniversary dinner because he got caught up on a call.

For the police officer that fears daily he will never see his kids again. 

Be Thankful for your jobs people. 

Because YOU could be a lot worse off.