My Wish...

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Mostly because I am truly too busy with the little one to even sit down and write anything that makes any sense, but he's finally napping not in my arms, so I'm going to try. 

*Fingers crossed I finish before he wakes up*

So, the entire time I was pregnant, every time the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts came on the radio, I would think about my unborn child and start to cry.

The song really does say exactly what I feel as a parent, and what I want for my child.

An excerpt for those that don't know the song:

"...I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish..."

I tear up EVERY.TIME I listen to this song. 

I'll post more tomorrow. I'll leave you this to giggle at for now.

ONE MONTH

To My Beautiful Baby Boy:

Today you are one month old. 

You're currently laying asleep on my arm, making it very difficult to type, but I wouldn't dare move you, not only for fear of waking you up, but also because I know this time of you sleeping on me or with me will soon be gone, and I dread it. 

In the past month, we've gotten to know each other pretty well. We've pretty much mastered breast feeding, and I think we've both become very fond of your pacifier or "ninny" as I like to call it.

It seems like every day you are smiling more and more and trying to "talk" and it's just about the most adorable thing I've ever seen. 

Last night, while laying in your bassinet, you knocked your ninny out of your mouth with your hands. I watched as you tried to get it back in your mouth on your own, but you couldn't quite do it, so I was right there to help.

I'll always be right there to help, and I think you know that already. Sometimes when you look at me, I can see the trust in your eyes, and I fall even more in love with you. 

We've gotten into a pretty good "routine" at this point. We usually wake up between 6 and 8 and nurse, and then are up for about an hour or two. Then, we take a nap and get back up anywhere from 10-12. The day goes on with nursing, two hours of play, an hour nap. Repeat. Over, and over and over again.

Around 8 or 9 we get a bath (on bath nights), lotion up, jammies on, nurse and we're down for the count. You usually wake up about twice a night, for a quick feeding, and we're back to the beginning.

By the way, you LOVE your baths. Whenever I can't calm you down, a bath will always do the trick. You also LOVE the hairdryer we keep by your changing table to dry out "your area" before putting on a new diaper (we WILL NOT get diaper rash in this house!) Your favorite positions are laying on either mine or Daddy's chest, and you love to just be snuggled tight. 

So that's our on month update little boy. 

I want time to just slow down already.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Again Graphic. And Long.

The Birth Story

Part Two

We had made our way to the hospital. The entire mile long trip that seemed like 70 miles. Every bump, turn, and stop sign along the way were seriously intensified. 

(A little something no one bothers to tell you)

We went to the registration desk, and the woman checking me in looked mortified. I guess I wasn't very attractive at that point, and the look on my face told her I was in pain, because she didn't wait for a nurse to come down from the maternity floor, she herself started to wheel me up. A nurse had met us half way and after a quick elevator ride, we were on the maternity floor.

I bypassed the triage room (the awful room I spent many hours in just five days earlier) and was put in a labor and delivery room. One nurse came in and quickly took my vitals and hooked me up to the monitors. While she was doing that, she told me that she had a "Mom" getting ready to deliver, so she couldn't stay long. Once she left, another nurse and lab tech came in to take my blood and get my IV hooked up. 

Things from there start to get a little blurry.

For a definite, my nurse that was with me until 7 pm came in and started filling me in on things that would happen and began asking me the questions that they needed to know. She also started my penicillin drip, because I was positive for GBS. This was a MISERABLE experience. 

Apparently the hospital had just gotten a "new IV drip system" or something, and this nurse, along with all the other nurses working the entire time I was in labor, had no idea how to work these new systems. Instead of diluting the penicillin with my actual IV fluids, they ran it straight. So not only was I having extreme contractions but my forearm felt like it was on FIRE and going to fall off. Talk about pissing off a woman in labor.

Another definite was that the midwife that was at the hospital all day, and was expecting me came in and checked me. At 2:30, NINE hours into labor, I was 2 cm dilated and still about 80% effaced. 

At that point, I knew I had a LONG road ahead of me. 

The hospital had a nice big jacuzzi tub for laboring mother's to sit in, and that was the first thing I requested to do. My nurse took my IV off and closed the site so I could get the area wet, I changed into the swimsuit I thoughtfully packed, and I was off to the tub.

For the next two hours or so, I sat and relaxed in the wonderful tub. It was seriously amazing until the water started getting cold, and my contractions became more intense. We went back, and I was checked again. No progression. So I was told to walk around.

After walking for a bit, I was completely exhausted and asked for some type of drug I could get through my IV to help take the edge off so I could relax, and maybe even sleep. I was told I could get the drug, and they just had to get it out of the pharmacy. After an hour, and still not having anything, my nurse came back and told me that they were actually out of the drug, so there was nothing I could get, and that my midwife wanted me up and walking around some more.
(Enter evil death glares here)

More time had passed, and I had had enough. I talked with my midwife, and we decided that it was time for me to have the epidural, and that way they could push pitocin and really get things moving. This was at 7:30 pm,  FOURTEEN hours into labor.

Two hours of waiting for the anesthesiologist, and it was finally my turn for the good stuff.

This was also a dreadfully memorable experience as well.

In the sixth grade, I was diagnosed with scoliosis, so I let the anesthesiologist know, and wouldn't you know, the curvature in my spine happened exactly where he needed to put the catheter for my epidural. Because of this, there was a lot of fishing around in my spine on his part, and a lot of screaming on mine.

Once it was in and done, we went through the scariest part of the entire labor. As the meds worked their way down my body, it caused my blood pressure to sky rocket, and Baby's heart rate to drop.

All I remember is being very spaced out, and not able to focus on anyone or really comprehend what they were saying to me. I was rolled to my left side, oxygen put on and they pushed some sort of drug that brought my blood pressure back down. The baby's heart rate came back to normal, and we were back in business.

My midwife checked me and I was at 4 cm.

My nurse ordered that I get some sleep, and for the next four and a half hours, Dean, my Mom and I attempted to sleep, however constant alarms going off in my room prevented us from doing so. We never found out what the alarms meant, but we just continually turned them off after the nurse had the first few times with no worry.

At about 2 am, my nurse came in and checked me, and I had only progressed to 5 cm.

Completely relaxed, and four hours later, and I only progressed 1 cm?!

It was time for the pitocin.

They started the drip, and luckily it didn't effect the baby at all, so I was well on my way to having the little guy.

The next three hours was more pretending to sleep and watching TV.

When they came back at 5 am to check me, I was 8 cm.

FINALLY. Some progress. Except from this point on, I was throwing up every 15 minutes, and began getting the shakes.
Transition.

My nurse had started getting the delivery cart together, and warned the midwife of my condition.

At about 6:30, I felt an enormous pressure and kept telling the nurse that I needed to push. After being told several times that I wasn't ready to, the nurse finally gave in and told me that if I needed to push, I should just push.

The midwife came in prepared to check me and determine the baby's location.
(I'd like to point out that at this point that my water has yet to break)

Just as the midwife was about to check me, my water burst.
Not broke... BURST.
Dean claims my water shot all the way across the room, but I think he was exaggerating.

Everyone in the room heard the pop, and somehow my midwife matrix moved out of the way so as to not get any on her. My water was a pea green, there was definitely meconium in the waters.

They had cleaned me up, and my midwife checked me. As she did, the nurse informed her that I had been complaining that I needed to push for a while.

Instead of getting a number of where I was, the midwife, with a VERY shocked expression looked at the nurse and said, "uh, his head is right there..."

Quicker than I knew it, the room filled with tons of people. Extra people for the baby because he passed meconium in the water, people for me, and wouldn't you know it, it was 7 am... shift change.

The nurse and midwife that were with me for the whole process so far had left and I had a new midwife  (the midwife I had just seen in office before going to the hospital the day before!) and nurse to deliver the baby. Honestly, I was fine with this because the nurse and midwife I had for my labor didn't make me a happy or comfortable mom to be.

It was time to push. Dean's mom took a position at my head, my mom had my left leg beside her, and Dean worked his way to the foot of the table and watched the whole thing. A mirror was brought in like I requested, and the pushing began.

19 minutes later, my baby boy was born.

Dean Anakin Reiter Pennington

May 12, 2012

7:19 AM

7 lbs 11 oz

21" long

Dean cried. I cried. Our Mom's cried.

He's perfect in every way.
25.5 hours in labor, 19 minutes of pushing, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I have never felt a love quite like this and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

This is going to get graphic... just a warning

The Birth Story

Part 1

It started on Friday, May 11, 2012 at 5:30 am.

I was quickly woken out of a dead sleep with contractions.

Dean was at work and my first thought was that he was going to have to go through this with no sleep. But, maybe not. Maybe it was false labor again. So I started timing.

For a full hour my contractions were 6 minutes apart. So I decided to make the call, and let Dean know he needed to come home early and get some sleep, that we would be having a baby this weekend.

Dean came home, and laid down to try and get some sleep, and I kept contracting, and timing. (Contraction timer apps on iPhones are SUPER).

Around 10 am, my contractions had jumped from 6 minutes apart to 2 minutes, and I was DYING. (I'd also like to add that the whole time I was contracting, I couldn't stay out of the bathroom. I was either throwing up, or going number two, which scared me each time, thinking I was going to have my baby in the toilet... terrible TV shows scaring innocent women.)

I woke Dean, told him it was time to call, and proceeded to work on finishing the hospital bag. My midwife group wanted me to come to the office first, so they could check me and see if it was worth going to the hospital at that point.

We went to the office, and after waiting what seemed like hours, (it was really only 10 minutes) the midwife came in, and checked me.

80% effaced, and still 1 cm

She could tell by looking at me though, that I was in definite labor. She told me to go home for a few hours, walk around, get everything ready, and then head to the hospital. In the meantime, she was going to call the midwife at the hospital, and let them know I'd be in and to expect me.

So we went home. We made the "It's Time" phone calls, and I went to lay down and suffer through a few more hours of contractions, vomiting, and diarrhea.

Around 2:30, I decided I had waited long enough and we made our way to the hospital. By the time we got there, I could barely walk.


I. Was. Miserable.

Looks like my son will be born on....

If you read my last post, you know that this morning I had a doctor appointment. 

My 41 week doctor appointment. 

We discovered that since my last appointment I lost a little over half a pound, which apparently is normal for this stage of the game. 

My blood pressure is still good.

Still no protein in the urine -- (in case you're wondering, this, along with blood pressure is how they keep check that you don't have preeclampsia)

And Baby's Heart Rate was spot on!

She checked me again, and well. Absolutely no change since Sunday/Friday. 

1 cm dilated

50% effaced

-3 station

SUPER! 

(major sarcasm here people)

So they scheduled my induction. 

Seems as though, [unless by some great power he comes earlier (doubtful)] that I will be having my son on!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Unless it takes longer than 24 hours

Which I don't think is possible or likely with an induction

OR

For some reason the maternity ward on that day is going CRAZY with ladies giving birth

So after they scheduled my induction and gave me my paperwork, they hooked me up and gave me a Non-Stress Test (NST) to make sure Baby is doing ok, and will be alright until Monday to be born.

After 45 minutes of the NST, and it was only supposed to be 20, the midwife came in and saw that Baby's Heart Rate and movement were really good, and under no stress.

I felt so terrible for Dean too. He worked last night and works again tonight, so he was sitting there, just about falling asleep the whole time. He's such a good husband and going to make such an amazing father. I'm so proud to call him mine. 

So, now I've been home for a bit, I took a nice long nap and now I'm going to plan some meals I can make and freeze this weekend for when we come home from the hospital when I don't feel like cooking. 

OH YEAH! I think when the midwife checked me she stripped my membranes again. I've been really crampy and having a few random contractions since my appointment. Not just that but when she was checking me, she said something along the lines of "See if I can help get something started"

So yep! That's it.

I'll STILL be pregnant on my first Mother's Day. Some would say I don't get celebrated then, others say I would. We'll see if I get a card from my unborn child 

An update AND my trip to the Hospital!

So, Friday I had a doctor appointment. My 40 Week doctor appointment more specifically.

Once again, I meant to update ON Friday, but things got busy quick. 

So on Friday, I hadn't gained any weight, my blood pressure was good, no protein in my urine, and the midwife FINALLY checked me.

Drum Roll Please!

I was all of 1 cm dilated and not even 25% effaced. Awesome. (Sarcasm)

So of course, the midwife tells me she wants us back by next Wednesday (two days from now) so we can schedule my induction. Super. (More sarcasm)

The weekend was a busy one.

My Mom came down to visit and stayed with us, and it was SO nice having her here. I don't get to see her that much, so having her here for two days was really really nice. 

We went out to dinner Saturday night to Ruby's so, I got to see a bunch of girls from work and hand out some Thank You cards, and... experienced my first contractions!

Well, they were Braxton Hicks contractions, but they still HURT.

So Sunday, we got up and Dean's parents came down to visit us as well. All of us piled in some cars and headed to the Antietam Battlefields. 

On the way there, at about 2:30 I had a contraction. The first of many for that day.

We got to the battlefields and literally walked around for about two and a half hours, and I was having what seemed to be regular contractions, anywhere from 2-4 minutes apart. We loaded up and headed home, so we could get ready to call the midwife and head to the hospital.

When I did get home, the contractions were still coming on, and coming on STRONG, so Dean called the midwife right away, and she told us to come in whenever. 

Since no one had eaten all day, I made everyone sit down and eat dinner (I figured if this was it, no one would eat for quite a while, including myself), and finished packing the hospital bag.

We got to the hospital at about 6:15, and I was in my gown talking to nurses at 6:30. 

When the midwife checked me when I first got there, she said I was about 2 cm dilated, and about 50% effaced, and a -2 station. Awesome. (SUPER sarcasm)

 From there, they had me up and walking the halls for about an hour. After that, they put me back on the monitors for about a half hour to check my contractions and the baby's heart rate. 

Another half hour of walking, I was back on the monitors again, and a different midwife came in and checked me to determine if I was to be admitted or sent home.

Somehow, in the time that I was there I got further away from where I need to be. 

When she checked me, I was 1.5 cm dilated, 50% effaced, and a -3 station. 

For those of you that skipped health class, I need to be 10 cm dilated, 100% effaced and a +2 station in order to deliver. 

So after 4 hours of being in the hospital, I was sent home with the diagnosis of False Labor. 

Why didn't they just induce me then?

Because apparently inducing a woman before 41 weeks (and more like closer to 42) leads to more chance of a c-section, which the midwives are seriously against (because they don't do them. They aren't actually licensed to do them) and I'm not a fan either.

So Wednesday I have an appointment. I'll get weighed, blood pressure checked, cervix checked, baby will have his heart beat listened to, and Dean and I will talk with the midwife and schedule my induction. 

The plus side to having a scheduled induction, is that family will know and be able to make their plans accordingly. The downfall, is that Dean and I won't get to experience the "it's time!" moment and call everyone and have that rush of adrenaline lot of people get. But that's okay. Maybe next time.

We (I) did learn a few things (10 more specifically) from this experience however...

ANY EXPECTANT MOMS BE SURE TO READ THIS PART!!!

1. I DEFINITELY want my Mom there. She just knew how to make me feel better each time I was "having a contraction"

2. Contractions (even BH) hurt. Like woah. BUT, in between, there is a calm a small calm, but a definite calm.

3. BEFORE even calling the midwife,  be sure the contractions are in fact regular. Not 2 minutes, then 4, then 6, then 4... that's a true sign of false labor. We were just too anxious to realize it.

4. Dean is going to be very interesting when it's really time. He had the nurses laughing one minute and was incredibly quiet the next... at least he's something to keep my mind focused on instead of the pain. 

5. We will most definitely NOT inform ANYONE what's going on until I'm admitted. I HATED having our parents just sitting there, waiting, just to turn around and go home 4 hours later. I felt (and still feel) REALLY stupid even going in the first place... which leads me to my next point.

6. IF unsure whether it's real vs false labor, take a minute, relax and turn to google. Seriously. There are so many websites that clearly laid out that what I was experiencing was false labor, and had I just calmed down for a minute to look, we wouldn't have wasted all that time.

7. Only you know your body best. If you can handle it, don 't let others scare you or talk you into thinking you can't. Don't let anyone call the doctor until YOU are absolutely sure you need to. 

8. Eat and drink something (small). Either way, it will help. If it's false labor, you won't have many if any contractions after doing so. I didn't but just didn't realize it. If it's real labor, you A- probably won't want to eat OR will barely be able to eat and B- will need that little bit of energy if you're going to be staying at the hospital until the little one arrives. Water can only do so much.

9. Where is the pain? Low? All over? It's important to note that.

10. Track contractions very specifically. When they start. How long they are. When they end. How intense they are. What you're doing when it happens. Seriously. False labor will cease with a lack of activity. True labor will not. False labor, contractions will be all over the place, true labor, they will be continual, steady, definite. Lay down and track for an hour before calling the doctor. If you're laying down and they continue, and get closer, and more intense, you're probably experiencing actual labor. I was walking and climbing the WHOLE time. That's why I was experiencing so many.

Sorry this post got to be a little lengthy. BUT!

Now everyone knows exactly what's going on with me. 

I'm going to go eat some FRESH strawberries my Momma brought me now... Be Jealous.

Expect an update on Wednesday!

40 weeks and counting!

Today is my due date!! YAY!!! I have survived a full 40 weeks of pregnancy!
Now if only Baby Dean would get the hint! *nudge nudge*
As promised yesterday, I will be talking about the choice of an epidural today.
It only seems fitting, as I could go into labor at any time (hopefully sooner rather than later).

So, maybe I wrote about it, maybe I didn't. But several people know that I would like to try and go as far as possible during labor without pain medication. 

My goal is to make it to 7 cm dilated before getting an epidural. 

My secret goal is to do the whole thing without an epidural or pain medication.

(Insert everyone's side eye here)

And that's what this post is going to be about. The constant side eye I get when people hear my goals.

These are goals. Attainable goals. Lots of women give birth with no pain medication. Lots of women give birth with no pain medication multiple times!

I know that I have yet to experience a real contraction. I know that I have yet to experience labor and delivery. I know that lots of women in my life HAVE experienced the pain of contractions and of labor and delivery and know how intense it will be. Perhaps that's why they give me the side eye when I talk about my goals. 

What my issue is, is that I only get side eyes when talking about my goals. I've gotten some support and encouraging words from a few people, but rarely do I have people tell me that they think I could do it. That they BELIEVE in me. 

Usually the response I get is, "Oh you'll get the epidural...I have no doubt you'll get the epidural"

And to me, I hear, "You're not strong enough to reach your goal"..."You CAN'T do it"..."You WON'T do it"...

It's a little hurtful. But I'm going to be honest. I'm not superwoman. I'm far from superwoman. So I'm not going to pretend like me getting an epidural is out of the question. 

But what WILL hurt is once I have him, and if I do get an epidural, hearing people say, "I told you you'd get the epidural!"

Because let's face it, I'm the type of person that will do things just to prove others wrong. So if I'm not able to prove all the haters wrong, and to then hear "I told you so" will be SUPER hurtful and WILL piss me off. 

So, here's a pre-warning: If I end up getting an epidural, and you see me, DO NOT say "I told you so." Instead, tell me how I'm still so strong for making it as far as I did, how you couldn't do what I did...

In other words...

LIE TO ME.